Human beings are social by nature and for a very simple and logical reason: millions of years ago we needed others in order to survive. Even though today it is not so much the case when we are born this need for care and attention has not changed much.
If it is not assured, our survival is compromised, but not only: our emotional state can also falter because of the lack of self-esteem.
Children need to feel secure, and that security can come from our progenitors or from another figure with whom we have a secure connection. In any case, this stability or this confidence will make that in the future, the child will be an emotionally strong adult, sure of himself and with a healthy self-esteem.
However, one can easily see that there are few people with these characteristics. Most people feel insecure, unconfident in their abilities, and unrealistic when it comes to self-assessment.
Why is it so hard to find a human being who loves unconditionally? It seems that the lack of love, care, consideration or respect in childhood could be the root cause of low self-esteem. The source could also lie in the over-protection or lack of concrete limits, as well as in the cultural education received.
It is no use blaming our insecurities on the past, on education or on parents. It cannot change.
But today, there is still time for your adult to heal this deficient child and help him love himself, with independence.
The piece of the puzzle this human being is missing
Sometimes you may feel like you are missing something. You can be physically attractive, be successful at work, have a great family, and still feel like something is wrong. It is surely your own love.
When a human being does not love himself unconditionally, he will feel that he is missing a piece and that the puzzle is not complete. Wrongly, he may try to look for her outside of himself, and logically, the pieces around him will never mesh with his own.
This is why he keeps looking for the part and does not realize that the one he really fits into is the part that he can himself make with his love, acceptance and love. tenderness.
The reasons why we can’t find this piece lie above us: education, culture, self-demands etc. The education we receive systematically censors any act of love towards us. They are called “egoism”. Thus, the child gets used to never receiving compliments, to talking badly about himself, to saying yes to everything when he would like to say no etc.
We have always been taught that others should be in front when it is wrong. We can never be good with others if we have not been satisfied with our own needs before, if we do not place ourselves high on the scale of our priorities.
If we push past the needs of others, there will come a time when we will get bored and everyone will end up losing: ourselves and those around us.
This selfishness translates into being a bad person, and therefore in the fact that others reject us. Since we don’t want this to happen, we spend our energies with the desire to satisfy others and as a result, we leave ourselves aside. It is then that we notice that the pieces of the outside do not fit together at all with our own and that we feel empty. We have abandoned ourselves and abandonment, precisely, does not emanate any love towards us.
How to love yourself?
To gain self-esteem, you have to take actions that aim to treat yourself well. Here’s an exercise you can start with: write a love letter to yourself. Far from being conceited, you have to be realistic. We just love each other, and we’re going to show it to ourselves, just like we’re showing it to other people.
You will be surprised at how complex this business is, because as we said, we are not used to giving each other compliments. Your inner devil will hop inside you to tell you that you are a selfish, proud person and a thousand other things. Don’t listen to it and continue to love yourself.
On the other hand, it’s time to start realistically assessing yourself. Discover yourself and be clear to yourself: you know your qualities and your limits. Be content and do what you can do, within your abilities and possibilities. Do not think that you cannot and that everything will be wrong when deep down you know very well that everything will be fine.
Finally, do something every day that brings you closer to your goals and objectives. If you can do it, reward and congratulate yourself! It will increase your self-esteem because you will tell yourself that “you can”. Forget perfectionism and act knowing it doesn’t exist.
You will notice that this piece will fit together and you will feel that you are no longer so dependent on the outside. You will no longer absolutely need the love and acceptance of others, because you will feel fulfilled by yourself.