For some people, it is very difficult to accept that an ex has started a new relationship. This can be explained by several factors, such as being still in love, not having mourned or not wanting the other to go well before you.
Finding out in different ways that our ex has “rebuilt” his life is not always good news, even when our story happened a long time ago. Why can’t we rejoice for this person? What, deep within our being, is it that keeps us from leaving the past behind? Isn’t that a warning signal telling us that deep down, we don’t want this relationship to end or that we are still in love?
Going through the mourning stage is fundamental
It can take weeks, months or even years, but what is certain is that we all need to pass this stage which is called “mourning” (it is called that, as when a loved one dies, because we have to accept that this person will no longer be by our side). It doesn’t matter who decided to end the relationship, because even those who have “taken the big step” of ending a story are experiencing a milestone.
This period serves us to adapt to a new reality, to understand that life is now different and that everything that happens happens for a reason and has a good explanation. Clearly, she is there to make us accept that no pain is eternal and that we can move forward even if this person is no longer part of our present or our future. It has simply remained “halfway” and is now only a fragment of the past.
After grieving, it is advisable to start doing what we used to love again, to focus on the feelings and, of course, to learn from the mistakes made. No one can guarantee that we will not have moments of relapse or sadness associated with the loss of this person, even though we think we are “healed”, but it is certain that over time the wounds. eventually heal.
If I have already grieved, why are my feelings “mixed up”?
No one said it was easy to get through this ordeal … We probably think we got over our ex and not worrying about him / her anymore, until something (a word, a memory, a photo, a meeting) rekindles the past. Digging so much into our emotions and pulling memories out of the farthest vault can make even the strongest of us falter.
When we learn that our ex has started a new relationship, the feelings “pull” us together and we don’t quite understand why. “If I forgot… why does that bother me?”, “He was so quick to erase me from his heart?”, “How could he have remade his life before me?”, “Now I no longer have any chance of recovering it ”. These are just a few of the most common questions faced with this situation experienced by so many people.
We believe that having a new relationship everything else is left behind, but things don’t always turn out that way. Many people try to get over an ex by having another relationship, either because they feel they cannot live on their own or because they need someone to be happy.
Of course, there is also the group of people who, after a breakup, find their “soul mate” because during the grief they forced themselves to learn from their mistakes and understand what they were really looking for in a relationship. .
So that doesn’t mean the new person your ex started a relationship with is better than you. Nor that the fact that he is with someone means that they threw you into oblivion, that you were just a diversion or that you never mattered to them. It’s just her way of rebuilding her life and trusting love again.
Seeing your ex in a relationship with someone is good news
Yes, you read that right. It’s hard to recognize or accept, but the fact that your ex is in a relationship is great news. You may not see it that way and continue to blame yourself for all that you have done wrong, you may not understand how they “replaced” you so quickly, or it has opened up your minds. eyes on your feelings still present.
If you haven’t met someone who suits your tastes yet, don’t mortify yourself. You are no worse than any other person. Don’t compare your life to that of your ex. Take advantage of this period alone to get to know yourself better, to heal the wounds of the past, to understand what is happening in you and to focus on the future.
If, on the contrary, you are in a relationship and have still been disturbed to learn that your ex is with someone, know that it is not necessarily due to feelings always present for that person: it can also be this. that we call “a narcissistic wound”.
What does it mean ? It is in fact a “low blow” to our self-esteem which forces us to accept that another one occupies the place which we occupied before. Jealousy? Desire ? A bit of both ! Try to think calmly and not trust your feelings more than your thoughts. We all have the right to be happy and to share our moments with someone special!