Choosing to be strong and face the pain is the best thing we can do, but that strategy doesn’t have to involve reliving the same thing over and over again, and continually striving. Avoiding what requires a lot of work and challenge from us to achieve what we value in life, is also to flee. Avoiding constantly finding yourself in front of what disturbs you and prevents you from living peacefully is emotional intelligence.
Freedom and strength are also found in avoiding tripping over and over again what bothers us and causes pain. To be strong is to face your fears and fantasies, for example, the fear of rejection to show ourselves as we are. And we are as much what we like as what we don’t. That’s why quitting the fight against what hurts is smart, not cowardly.
Fight against what hurts unnecessarily and prevents us from evolving
Certain humanistic psychologists like Carl Rogers have already explained to us that the tendency of all human beings is to self-realize. Others like Kelly, Royce and Powell talk about the capacity of the human being to be an active agent who builds his reality in order to adapt to the world and also to build his own individuality.
This process of research and experimentation is exciting if you find, little by little, what makes you grow as a person and does not hold you back in a prototype that looks more like an automaton than an original and dynamic person, which changes with time and circumstances.
Depression and anxiety sometimes come from stillness. An immobility that comes from the imposed belief that, to be recognized people, we must display an unusual strength in relation to what we cannot stand. Furthermore, because of this belief, we believe that our success lies in being able to overcome it and come out victorious.
A lot of psychological troubles arise when we are not able to say “STOP” in time. Something seemingly easy in some contexts, but extremely difficult for some people who would rather sit in an uncomfortable and unsafe seat than make the effort to fix it.
Saying STOP is necessary
In a world where the state of happiness is no longer just another mood, but a constant imposition: to be happy, to be strong and above all to show it. This created need is transformed into an emotional prison which does not allow all the complex psychic dynamism available to human beings to flow.
One of the components of this dynamism is the discontent and pain that occurs in certain situations . Humans feel pain, always will, but being able to avoid it when possible is a healthy emotional strategy. This does not determine a greater or lesser strength, but shows intelligence to avoid what has always weakened us.
“Be strong, my son / my daughter, this child will not conquer. Confront him / her. ”
“Be strong in the face of a breakup, you have to confront your ex with someone else.”
“Be strong and support, even if you don’t like this job, you will get your pay.”
“Bond with all kinds of people, even if it hurts sometimes, this is how life is.”
“Don’t take contempt for your family so seriously, blood is blood.”
Who has never heard these phrases?
While it is obvious that this is what life is like, in hard times we should not define strength and cowardice in these terms. Strength has more to do with statements like:
“I have to manage to make my presentation in public because it is important for my work.”
“Today I want to have a good day and I don’t want to be in the same place as my ex when I haven’t gotten over the breakup yet.”
“I would not be silent in the face of my mother’s contempt in public.”
“I will quit this job because it wears me out and that’s not what I want in life.”
For the vast majority of people, these affirmations belong to the field of utopia, to immature or selfish people. However, the former perpetuate many more situations of pain and injustice than the latter. They create unhappy people with their jobs, their spouses and their friends. They create people incapable of self-realization because they cannot tell the difference between unnecessary pain and useful pain.
Misunderstanding force creates people who are cowardly about their own feelings. It wastes talent and passions because you are on levels and next to the wrong people. So, know that if you are smart, you won’t have to develop so much strength to face complicated situations. Do not feel like a coward, but as someone who fights for what makes him stronger and not who tries to fight against what makes him weak.