Childhood is this period during which a nice paradox occurs. We are able to build the strongest foundations in a short period of time, without barely realizing it.
At 4 years old, we are already starting to define our way of being. From there, it remains to develop or curb the inertia that we experienced in the first years.
Childhood leaves traces that last forever. These are indelible traces that are reflected mainly in our attitude towards ourselves or towards others.
However, some of these traces are more persistent and deeper, due to the great impact they cause in the child’s mind.
Today we are going to tell you about 3 of these traces that we internalize during childhood and which never fade.
The inability to trust since childhood
When the child is repeatedly disappointed or betrayed by his parents or caregivers, he can hardly trust other people, and sometimes even himself.
He will have to fight very hard against this tendency to lack confidence in order to be able to establish bonds of intimacy with others.
We disappoint a child when we promise him things that we cannot or do not want to achieve.
For children, it is important that they are offered this toy that they have been promised, that they are taken out of the park when they have been told they will be done, or that they are given time when they are promised to dedicate it to them.
These kinds of gestures may go unnoticed or may not be of great importance to adults.
However, for the child, they represent learning about what they can expect, overall, from similar figures.
If the child observes that the parents are lying, he will learn that the word lacks value. It will then be difficult for him to believe in others and to make his own words reliable.
During his development, this trace will generate great difficulties: to establish links with others and to build a real intimacy – refuge – in which he feels safe with someone.
The fear of abandonment
A child who feels lonely, ignored, or abandoned begins to believe that loneliness is a completely negative state, and he may choose one of his two choices: or he becomes overly dependent on others, constantly looking for someone who is. accompanies or protects him, or he renounces the company as a means of precaution in the face of the suffering of a possible abandonment.
Those who choose the path of addiction manage to tolerate any kind of relationship just so they don’t end up alone.
They think they are completely incapable of overcoming loneliness and for this reason they are willing to pay any price for companionship.
Those who escape the fear of abandonment by taking the path of independence to the extreme find themselves unable to take advantage of someone’s emotional closeness.
For them, love is synonymous with fear. The more affection they feel for another person, the more their anxiety increases, as does their desire to escape.
These are the type of people who break deep bonds so that they no longer have to feel the anguish of the eventual loss of a loved one.
Fear of rejection
A child who has been questioned and disqualified continuously by his parents often becomes his worst enemy.
Thus, he develops an interior dialogue in which he advocates reproaches and recriminations against himself.
This child, as an adult, will surely never feel happy about what he does, what he says or what he thinks.
He will always find a way to sabotage his plans and it will be very difficult for him to accept that he also has qualities and strengths.
He will think that he does not deserve the affection or the understanding of anyone and that his expressions of love towards others are lacking in validity.
In general, these children grow up to be isolated and shy adults who feel panicked in situations of social contact. They are also extremely dependent on the opinions of others.
Faced with the slightest criticism from others, they devalue themselves completely, because they fail to distinguish an objective observation from a personal attack.
If in addition to being rejected the child is humiliated, the consequences are more serious. Humiliations leave unresolved feelings of anger that turn into a feeling of continued helplessness and often results in tyrannical and callous people who also seek to humiliate others.
The traces left by these childhood experiences are very difficult to change. However, that doesn’t mean they can’t be toned down or decanted to turn them into something more positive.
The first step is to recognize that they are present and that it is necessary to work on them, so that they do not entirely determine the rest of our life.