The Unbearable Pressure Weighing On Motherhood

The unbearable pressure weighing on motherhood

Since we were very small, we have been educated through principles derived from traditions and social models.

From our earliest childhood, the value of motherhood is instilled in us. We associate various gender stereotypes with it and this is often why we see many more little girls playing with dolls than little boys.

The fact of buying toys for a child can result from a desire of the latter or from the predisposition of his parents to follow certain social models. But most of the time, we observe a lot of young girls, even when they can still be considered as “babies”, playing mom.

It is a stimulating and fun activity, there is no doubt about it, but it is important not to lock young girls into this role, as other games and toys can allow them to develop further. creativity or motor skills.

We all know that children can play with anything, so it is important to vary the entertainment to allow them to develop in all directions.

 
girl-reading-in-the-rain

However, young girls grow up with the idea that one day they will have to be mothers, that they will be forced to assume this role. With the onset of puberty and physical changes during the teenage years, they realize that their bodies are totally designed for this function.

After their teenage years and early adulthood, they may begin to feel some pressure from society to have a child. However, these pressures are not very great and remain moderate compared to what can happen when they are older.

In fact, in their late twenties and early thirties, women face extreme pressure from society regarding their motherhood. Some of them experience it very well and it doesn’t bother them, very often because their future is planned in their mind, but others bend to the expectations of society and end up conforming to the role of mother.

Motherhood is a part of a woman’s life, but it’s not the only one

This concept, which is a priori easy to understand, is actually much less when we study reality with precision. Why are women under such pressure? Because there is, in our society, a kind of collective unconscious which judges women on their decision to have a child or not.

To put it simply, the equation is this: motherhood is a sign of generosity, while refusing to father a child is a selfish act. The personal circumstances surrounding the lives of the women concerned are absolutely not taken into account in this calculation and the situation tends to worsen as the years go by.

mother-son-and-a-bird

We all have our own history and we don’t necessarily want to do the same things in life based on our personality. Some authors, like Elisabeth Badinter in “The Woman and the Child”, expose the fact that the maternal instinct does not exist, that it does not appear in a primitive way, unlike the need to eat or to eat. to sleep.

The maternal instinct depends on each woman. The desire to create a home often depends on education and social pressures on women, and this is what fosters their desire to be mothers.

Being a mother is a wonderful experience, but one that involves a great deal of responsibility. If a woman embarks on this adventure, she must be ready and know everything she will need to put in place to make it happen. It should never do so because society requires it.

Breaking the myths about motherhood to make it more fun and responsible

If we look around the world, the majority of fathers and mothers are filled with happiness when they have a child. Some women choose to have children on their own and sometimes find themselves overwhelmed by all the attention babies ask for. Not having had experience in caring for children and not having planned their pregnancy can plunge them into a situation that is totally beyond them.

Women who desire to give birth and who have experienced a complicated pregnancy, childbirth, or postpartum feel terribly guilty for not feeling joy. No one explains to them that this is completely normal and that it will eventually pass.

woman-in-the-garden

Unfortunately, other parents also have to deal with health concerns in their children and all of this makes the process very complicated. Even if these parents know how to give the best of themselves to fight so that everything goes for the best for their child.

In summary, we can say that motherhood is not a long quiet river and requires a lifelong commitment. It is not about scaring yourself by saying this, just explaining to yourself that you need to be well prepared for this when you go down this path.

The importance of not making motherhood too oppressive

The pressure faced by women who are going to have a child for the first time has nothing to do with that experienced by women who have decided not to have children at all, whether they do not want to or that they cannot. The former will feel the pressure of motherhood in itself, of all the responsibilities that it implies, and the latter will have to face the questions of society.

You need to have empathy, respect the privacy of others, and avoid asking questions that can be hurtful if one person happens to be more vulnerable than others on this topic.

The fact of not wanting a child can be the consequence of a great professional success or of complicated family histories, which make a woman suspect that this stage of the life is not ideal for her. If she assumes it and has made a choice, it must be respected.

They may have had several pregnancies that went wrong and they are tired of talking about it. They may have significant medical problems that make them infertile. They may be considering adoption, another unique way of being a mother.

As this is an intimate and personal theme, subject to many individual and family variables, we need to be more tolerant of the women around us. Ultimately, it was never obligatory to have children or to have them in a certain way.

The important thing is that each woman feels at peace with herself and engaged in her own decisions. Having a child requires a certain amount of responsibility. The new generation of children must come into the world in a warm, protective and loving environment.

 

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