Thinking about the consequences of yelling on our children can help us control and manage our impulses. Analyzing the origin of these cries and their consequences on the family circle is essential to change this behavior once and for all.
We all know the importance of respectful education. In addition, there are a multitude of resources and tools to avoid resorting to shouting or punishment. However, despite this, we can sometimes feel overwhelmed and have the reflex to yell at our children. These situations make us feel guilty or frustrated. And make us think that we are bad parents.
However, some parents do not realize the negative consequences that derive from this type of behavior. So, in this article, we will tell you about the two most dangerous consequences for the development of their adult life. Here they are.
1. Yelling at our children can affect their self-esteem
Cries convey a message of absence of patience and tolerance. When we are desperate for something, we tend to speak up and demand things by shouting. But yelling at our children can tell them that they are doing things wrong. This leads them to believe that they are not living up to our expectations, when we wanted them to obey.
When the situation is constant, a bad idea is transmitted to the children. They may come to believe that no matter what they do, it will never be good enough. That we will never be satisfied. That they won’t be able to do anything to make us happy. The idea that they don’t do things right and that they deserve those screams will likely be with them for the rest of their lives.
The foundations of our children’s self-esteem come from outside. Their reference figures, with love and approval, must make them feel that they are capable of anything. This does not mean that we have to give them false confidence. Sometimes it is necessary for them to be frustrated. However, it is important that the expectations we place on them are consistent with their age and knowledge. And, above all, we must realize that our children are not perfect.
2. Be understanding with our children
It is customary, for example, to yell at our children in the morning when we are in a hurry. But kids can’t do everything as fast as we do. Their speed will depend on their age and degree of autonomy; maybe we need to help them get to school on time.
If we give them little time or ask them something that is beyond their skill level, it is normal that they fail to complete their tasks. So we end up screaming, giving them the impression that they are incapable of doing things right. In these situations, children receive the following message: We don’t like them because they are not good.
We must remember that our mission is to help them until they become more self-reliant. By doing this, we develop real self-confidence. Over time, this can lead them to act in the right way: respecting their parents, collaborating at home, tidying their room. And they won’t do it because they are afraid. Their actions will emerge from an understanding of their role. They will know that they are able to do things on their own.
3. Screaming teaches them to process their emotions in the wrong way.
We must be an example for our children. When we are constantly screaming and losing our patience, it means that certain situations are beyond us. Our message to them, in this case, is that we are unable to control ourselves. Children learn that screaming is an appropriate response to stress. They absorb this way of acting and will probably emulate it in the future.
It is therefore our responsibility to learn to manage our emotions. Even if we are afraid, if we are tired or angry, we have to control ourselves in front of our children. Screaming at the stress we feel shows them that anger is enough motivation to treat others badly.
The fact that we are anxious every time they walk forward shouldn’t make them feel guilty. Even though it is difficult, we have to push them to explore and find out who they really are. Our role is to accompany them in their adventures by managing our anxiety. We must ourselves find out where our negative emotions come from.
We may need them to act the way we want them to, and not the way they themselves want them to. The mere idea that they are hurting or suffering scares us, it’s true. But yelling at our children to protect them or to guide their actions is often not a good idea. It is more effective to trust things and think that they are capable of taking care of themselves.
So you have just discovered, in this article, two of the most negative effects of screaming on our children. Because of the damage this behavior can cause, parents need to learn to control their emotions. They can also learn more effective ways of solving problems and conflicts.
However, if you’ve ever yelled at your kids, don’t self-punish yourself. Nobody is perfect. The main thing is that you decide to change, now that you know the negative consequences that can arise from this behavior.