Most of us have experienced romantic disappointment or betrayal by a friend or family member. So we have all experienced with difficulty placing our trust in this person again. Initially, having confidence is not easy, but if you also suffer from pistanthrophobia, this task turns into a real delusion.
Confidence is not free and remains cloudy on the edge of precipices when you look for intermediate points: either you have it or you don’t. Trust is the fruit of months and years of relationships and shared experiences. We know we take a long time to gain it, but very little to lose it. It is also said that the last thing that is lost is hope and that time heals (almost) everything.
What is pistanthrophobia?
The person with pistanthrophobia is characterized by an irrational fear of establishing an intimate and personal relationship with others. The traumatic or dangerous experiences she had previously had marked her in such a way that fear exceeded the urge to trust other people.
Those who suffer from this phobia begin to sense that sooner or later everyone will disappoint or betray them. Little by little they become totally suspicious people. They fear the idea that the situation might repeat itself and do not give rise to any possibility of being able to relive it.
“Why does this always happen to me?” “. “I will never be happy”. “I will always be alone”. These sentences often come up as a diagnosis of a situation generating in these individuals a great helplessness: one that gives envy, but not strength. For this, in addition to mistrust, these people experience general disillusionment, frustration, sadness, anger, guilt and shame.
Behaviors that develop pistanthrophobia
No one wants to suffer, but if we lose trust, we lose the essential basis of any interpersonal relationship. The consequences for those who suffer from pistanthrophobia are not limited only to the emotional level, in fact they transfer their fear to the rest of the areas of their life : the professional area, the family area, the area relating to the couple, or the socio-cultural area. .
Her self-suggestions lead her to exhibit antisocial and isolationist behaviors that affect everyone around her. Some of these conduits are:
- Avoid carrying out activities that involve having close interpersonal contact. His withdrawal into oneself is the fruit of his fear of criticism, an exaggerated fear of judgment, rejection or betrayal.
- Do not participate in events or meetings during which you have to get together with strangers without being sure you can get along well.
- Do not take any type of risk that could endanger your emotional level. The person is very reluctant to engage affectionately with the rest of the people. Opening up to others terrifies her. For this, she is often seen as an introverted, lonely, reserved and withdrawn person.
- Avoid maintaining intimate relationships because of the fear of being disappointed again. The phobic person does not want to have a partner again for fear of another failure.
All of these repercussions increase the intensity of pistanthrophobia exponentially once the phobic person is emotionally involved with someone else.
Lack of confidence is also personal
Normally, the difficulties in trusting others start from a lack of confidence in oneself. This mistrust directly affects the intuition or seventh sense which allows us to know whether a person is reliable or not. People with this phobia are not lacking in intuition, in fact they are not confident in their ability to succeed. In people without pistanthrophobia, on the other hand, it is not that they do not know that their intuition is wrong, but being able to make a mistake does not make them panic; they therefore trust their analysis for want of a better one.
This lack of confidence in intuition generally decreases confidence in other skills, such as defending ourselves if someone attacks us. So, by thinking that we are defenseless, we will become even more suspicious. In this way, the circle closes and the phobia becomes more and more limiting.
Building an emotional bond with another person in this context is a very difficult task, something akin to climbing a very high mountain when we are dizzy. The fear of falling increases with each step we take, until in size and intensity it exceeds the illusion of moving forward. For this, many people suffering from pistanthrophobia suddenly cut off relationships: their strength is not sufficient to continue to climb, deepening this relationship and dizziness is triggered.
Going to therapy: the best step we can take
Confidence does not come back overnight, nor all of a sudden, nor as a tendency towards others. For this, to overcome pistanthrophobia it is important to seek help. The psychologist can help us recover from what has hurt us emotionally. So, by attacking the cause, it is likely to be able to fix the problem.
- Building a good pain process is vital if one is to gain confidence again. For this, it is necessary to accept the pain that we feel and not to run away from our feelings. Minimizing the problem or looking elsewhere is also not appropriate.
- It takes time and rest. Your emotions need to stabilize, so it’s not a good idea to start a new relationship. As well as being too quick, it is very likely that you will not be able to trust someone and your past traumas will resurface.
- Confront everyday situations that require trust from others. For example, delegating certain tasks to his partner in order to increase his certainty towards him, doing activities together or naturalizing the disorder.
Having confidence in someone again, besides being a real challenge, is a vital necessity. The trust we maintain in those close to us has multiple benefits. Among them, increasing our happiness and our security towards ourselves by allowing us to better face problems and reduce stress. Undoubtedly, the courage of this objective lies in the fact that the attempt to start again is worth it.