Love in the family is the nutrient that structures everything. Growing up, being brought up and being part of this first enriching environment, rich in affections, values and security, undoubtedly constitutes an exceptional boost for the psychological health of any person. A part of who we are today owes, very often, to these first experiences and links created with our progenitors.
Salvador Minuchin, Argentinian psychiatrist and creator of structural family therapy, said that, in any culture, the family is the one that imprints its own identity on its members. However, it does so in two opposite ways. Indeed, it gives us a sense of belonging and, at the same time, a desire to separate from it. Even if this seems contradictory, there is nevertheless a valuable explanation and a lesson to be learned from it.
We are all part of a family history, of this small social nucleus where our roots are located. And it doesn’t matter whether we love our loved ones very much or not. The purpose of all children is to move away, at one time or another, from their progenitors. Building your own life and your own reality with other people is logical and necessary. Ultimately, it defines our human development.
Affection is, in all cases, the thread that structures good relationships. But it is not enough to love: it is necessary to love well for this family to be healthy and functional. Let’s explore this idea further.
Love in the family and the components that make it up
May 15th is family day. As the United Nations explains to us, we will still have many fronts to cover in the years to come, especially with the gulf of the social and economic crisis which could soon widen. We therefore need to improve the family protection policy, to deal with the aspect of conciliation and to respond to each need in an increasingly complex and changing world.
The role they play in our society in terms of child care, education and protection is compelling. The family is ultimately the basis of human development. It is also this pillar that promotes social transformation. It is therefore not only a matter of this primary nucleus that must be monitored in terms of economic resources and social assistance. Another pillar that we cannot overlook is, without a doubt, the psychological pillar.
Different types of family and the same rights
Love in the family should always be there, no matter how it is structured. There are single moms and dads who choose to go on the adventure of parenting solo. Large families who live under one roof: children, parents and grandparents all facing difficulties, who take care of raising the youngest.
In our society, there are also homoparental families who show that diversity is part of our daily reality. As such, she deserves our respect and normalcy. The formation of these social nuclei promotes the transmission of values, affection, the good physical, emotional and psychological development of the little ones, as well as the attention paid to these components which integrate any healthy and functional family system. Here they are :
- Good communication
- Establishing clear boundaries to promote early learning of norms and rights
- Creating an environment where you can express your emotions and learn to manage them
- The adequate expression of affection, especially avoiding the projection of traumas from parents to children
- Education for conflict resolution, assertiveness, good social relations …
The good love in the family, the one that nourishes and does not limit
Love in the family must be healthy and act as a support from which each member finds security to continue to grow, to make their own decisions knowing that they are respected.
So, as we know, there are loves that are vetoed. Loves that limit the good psychological and emotional development of any child. We speak, for example, of hyper-protection, of this disproportionate affection which leaves no freedom, which dominates and which limits.
The emotional pillars
It is important that all family nuclei understand that beyond the economic aspect, lower or higher resources, the emotional aspect is essential. It doesn’t matter which school the child goes to. It doesn’t matter how many toys and clothes he has if we don’t pay attention to the following aspects:
- Understanding: Nothing matters more than understanding the perspective of each member of the family. Being able to put ourselves in the other’s shoes is essential for building healthy and strong emotional bonds.
- Acceptance: this second dimension is another basic nutrient. Knowing that we are loved for who we are, no matter what decisions we make, is something we will always need from those close to us.
- Protection and care: one thing is clear: to love means to take care of the other. Few things are as heartwarming as feeling protected by the people we love and being able to offer the same in return.
To conclude, nothing is more important than love in the family, the one that envelops and also knows how to let us go. Knowing where our roots are but being free to create the life we want is the psychic tendon of happiness.