“Sometimes we confuse wanting to be alone with the need to be with the right person”
Being in a relationship is based on mutual respect, offers many satisfactions, produces well-being and can prove to be a precious help. Personal development is shared and everyone gains unique and wonderful learning.
What if someone doesn’t have a partner or doesn’t want to have one?
“People who live in satisfying and stable relationships are balanced beings. They are not looking for someone who ‘plugs a hole’. They recognize their own value ”.
We’re talking here from a very personal point of view and choice, that many people have other priorities in life than having a partner, and that’s quite respectable.
For these people having a partner can be a conflict with the lifestyle they want to follow, and that is why they do not want a married life.
Being in a relationship is a choice, it is not a necessity, because it depends on what each person wants for their life. We can live perfectly without a partner, because our own worth as a person and the satisfaction we can have from it do not depend on whether or not we are in a relationship.
The couple relationships we maintain also say a lot about us, our insecurities, vulnerabilities and fears.
Sometimes it seems like we are repeating the same pattern with all of our partners, although each time it leads to utter dissatisfaction. This does not happen by chance, and this repetition is linked to what we have yet to learn to maintain a healthy relationship.
What is a healthy couple relationship?
Often we stay with people, who fill us with bitterness and dissatisfaction.
The experience of living love in a couple relationship is a long-term path of shared maturing, in which we learn a lot about ourselves, we exchange tastes, passions and pleasures.
However, we also share difficulties, fears and shortcomings that correspond to our inner openness to the other person with whom we have decided to share our life.
We thus reveal to the other the most intimate corners that we normally hide or disguise.
The relationship of a couple ceases to be healthy when there is an emotional dependence, which places our value in the other person. This way of being with the other can be very harmful.
With or without a partner, the most important thing is to love yourself above all, to esteem and respect yourself.
In this way, whether or not one wants to have a partner, one can actually bond affectionately with others in a satisfying way, with these pillars of maintaining a healthy relationship.
The goal of maintaining emotional ties with other people is to feel good. It is therefore important to clearly distinguish between the need to obtain this well-being through someone or the need to share it.
A healthy relationship requires acceptance, to share what we are with each other in a common space, which also allows us to enjoy our own space.
Why do we think it is mandatory to be in a relationship?
In our society, the most common thing is to live as a couple, or at least that’s what we are led to believe, through the communication media, literature and our education.
Finding a partner can become an obligation, and make us feel bad for not having another half .
This idea was also introduced by films and fairy tales, in which great importance is given to romantic love, to princes and princesses, and to the fact that one has to suffer for love.
This is all just a myth and leads us to think: “You should have a partner to be happy”.
Marriage and the couple have consolidated in our culture as an essential nucleus in the organization of our societies. However, many people decide not to be in a relationship, for a while or for the rest of their lives.
The important issue of this subject is to take into account that entering into a relationship is a choice and not a necessity.
When it appears as a necessity, addiction, conformism and feelings of possession ensue, and the relationship then builds on desperation.
“Knowing how to locate love in our life and knowing how to situate ourselves in the face of love requires a work of personal development so as not to confuse love with other things: possession, pressure, cancellation, etc. Developing the art of loving day after day is to consider love as an art: the art of sharing harmony, creation. ” (Fina Sanz)