We spend half of our life looking for THE person, the magical and vibrant person who must arrive one day or another to change our life. We dream of it, we wait for it as one who waits for comfort in all his sorrows. Until one fine day we end up doing it: we look at ourselves in the mirror and realize that this person has always been there. It’s us.
We could safely say that many of us are rational scholars. We are doctoral students at the school of a thousand knowledge and a thousand skills. However, no one has ever taught us the true art of life: that of self-knowledge, self-esteem, and emotional intelligence.
As curious as it may sound, there are people who see their existence as an eternal emotional pilgrimage. They seek in others what they cannot find at home. Because anyone who has not yet discovered all of his inner beauties is waiting for others to do so for him. Because when we have not yet learned to refuel by ourselves, we live like an eternal wanderer who asks for attention and the crumbs of an affection which impoverishes him always more.
We must understand that there will not always be someone to extinguish our fears, to fill our voids and to break the ice of our insecurities, to transform us into courageous creatures. For this, it is essential to reveal ourselves to ourselves as self-sufficient beings, as worthy people and able to create our own paths on which to walk.
This is the only way we will get there in a very concrete way: by discovering ourselves. We suggest you try in the following way.
The positive dialogue with this person who lives in our mirror
Carl Rogers often said that humans are like a lonely island. Sometimes, instead of investing our time in discovering the riches of these personal environments, accepting their variety and uniqueness, we hide. It is only when the person is able to accept themselves as they are that they are able to build strong and firm bridges to other islands. Towards other people, in short.
To get there, nothing like starting four types of dialogue with this precious being who lives in our mirror and whom we must constantly take into account.
“I am alone and there is no one in the mirror”
-Jorge Luis Borges-
1. Rational dialogue
To promote this reunion with ourselves, we will start a rational dialogue.
- This dialogue is inquisitorial and full of challenges, and its objective is very concrete: it seeks to wake us up.
- We will have to ask ourselves firm questions about our current reality in order to perfect a number of cognitive imbalances that have taken root within us. Here are some examples:
– Why does portraying myself well to others concern me so much?
– Why am I so afraid of disappointing my family, my friends, my spouse?
– Why do I think that if I don’t do this, I will be rejected?
- To facilitate this type of inner conservation, we must also ask ourselves questions about our future, both short and long term.
– How would I like to see myself in a year?
– What am I doing to get there?
– What is preventing me from achieving these goals?
2. The benevolent dialogue
If rational dialogue has acted like a cunning advocate bringing all the unpleasant realities out of our mirror, now is the time to acknowledge the emotions we are feeling. We have become aware of many disappointments, deep fears and bitter frustrations.
The benevolent dialogue welcomes us with phrases such as:
- I know how you feel, cry if you need to.
- Don’t be afraid to accept your feelings.
- You are not fragile because you feel vulnerable in these moments. Strong is the one who has the courage to look in the mirror and find out that they are not feeling well. That there are internal injuries that hurt and that it is necessary to evacuate. Just do it.
3. The voice of values
The pretty person in our mirror knows there are things that need to change. That there are personal aspects that must be stimulated. Likewise, we have understood that there are things and people that bring more sadness than happiness in our life. Accepting our emotions and the evacuation allows us to see things with more clarity and calm.
After this rational and emotional awakening, now comes an important moment. So what’s the next step in this self-discovery? Remember your values.
- Values configure this soothing and serene voice of our confidence. These are our roots and we must not act against them.
- To encourage good reflection on our own values, we can take a blank sheet of paper. We can make a list with several columns with the following categories:
– I am
– I believe
– I am against
– I defend
Take a few minutes to do this exercise by completing each column.
4. Motivating dialogue
At this point, the beautiful person in our mirror has emerged from the gloom and is standing in front of us. Now is the time to take her out of this dimension to take her in our arms and merge into the same being. In the same entity, courageous and determined.
- Motivating dialogue will help us achieve our goals, harmonizing our emotions, feelings and values.
- We are able to act in accordance with our feelings through small, firm and positive self-instructions. Here are some examples:
– Today, I am able to say “yes” without fear and “no” without guilt. Now is the time to feel free and confident.
– I will give the best of myself without what others say or do affects me so much. Now is the time to stop suffering needlessly.
To conclude, this unique person who lives in our mirror wishes only to be visible, to find his way and his voice, as well as the freedom to take to the world what he is capable of. Believe it or not, she can achieve a lot of things, and in fact, only she can change your life …
Images by Carlee Senior, Brent Hollynd Studio