How can I leave a toxic relationship behind? ” This is a question frequently asked by people who are living in a harmful relationship and do not know how to get out of it.
A toxic relationship destroys us, limits us, and prevents us from recognizing ourselves in the way we act. In view of this, people who witness his development as spectators wonder “how can you stay with him despite his behavior? Don’t you realize what’s going on? ”
Sometimes the answer to these last two questions is simple: the person may not be aware of what is going on or may have doubts because it is not easy to identify these types of relationships when the only thing that seems surrounding you is that same relationship. Or maybe she is aware of it, but does not know how to extricate herself from it.
At this point, it should be noted that toxic relationships trap us and absorb all of our energy. So it is difficult to fully realize this and make the decision to break up for good.
Indicators of a toxic relationship
Faced with the difficulty of getting out of a toxic relationship, we wanted to highlight certain characteristic indicators of this type of relationship. The main indicators are:
- Feeling of not being heard. You don’t feel comfortable expressing your emotions and thoughts freely.
- Our needs and preferences are relegated to a second, third or fourth place. Likewise, when you try to be considered, your preferences come under criticism. They are therefore called into question.
- Lack of respect. By verbal and / or non-verbal disqualification or by threatening or intimidating behavior. Sometimes the other person disqualifies the way you dress and goes out of his way to downplay your merits and virtues.
- Feel the fear of abandonment. You don’t feel safe in the relationship: without it, you wonder if your partner is going to leave you. s
- Continuously trying to please so that there is no conflict or so that the partner does not get angry over a word or an action.
- Idealization of the relationship and the couple. It is a fictitious image, centered on the good that this person may have done at a specific time in the past: all the negative is ignored.
- Toxic people often try to exercise some control over our behavior. This is often done by resorting to emotional blackmail as a form of control. For example, “if you don’t do what I want, I get angry”.
- Behavior of isolation towards people in the immediate environment. You avoid contact with other people because your partner doesn’t appreciate it.
- One of the signs of toxic relationships is feeling like you can’t live without that person.
- Weakness, contempt, lack of courage. Self-esteem is damaged to the point that you think your partner is worth more than you and you feel grateful to be in this relationship
I feel immense pain: how can I leave a toxic relationship behind?
For Daniel Uruyal, after a breakup, zero contact must be applied : the two parties should no longer know anything about each other. It is therefore essential to eliminate your ex from all social networks.
Zero contact is used to heal wounds. It will help you get your life, your group of friends and your family back. And, above all, to regain your self-esteem which has been greatly damaged.
As you heal your wounds and regain closeness to those close to you, you will probably be able to see with more hindsight everything that has happened to you. When you leave a toxic relationship, you begin to perceive events that until then you had not seen or wanted to see.
In accordance with the previous paragraph, we stress the importance of losing all contact with the ex-partner in order to recover and heal damaged self-esteem. In this type of relationship, overwhelmed people live with an illusory certainty: they believe that they cannot live without the other.
This is when questions like “who will love me if I am not ideal?” Arise. In short, toxic relationships make us believe that we are not worthy of healthy love. To leave a toxic relationship behind, it is therefore essential to take care of the image we have of ourselves.
Surround yourself with everything that makes you feel good
For psychologist María Fornet, a healthy relationship is one that adds something to us, not one that takes something away from us. You should therefore feel listened to, respected, more secure and calm, and not the other way around. It is therefore necessary to surround yourself with people who contribute to your development and with whom you can embark on personal projects.
Likewise, having a good amount of reinforcers will make you stronger and more resistant to emotional addiction. Having multiple sources of satisfaction will be a barrier to feedback of addictive thoughts.
Take care of your emotional health
You cannot ignore your emotional health, as toxic relationships are known to leave certain psychological consequences, such as guilt, confusion, shame, and emotional exhaustion. All of these injuries mainly require care, time and patience.
At this point, it is likely that you feel the pain is unbearable, that you are not going to get out of it. But you can. Remember that nothing lasts forever, not even pain.
It is worth noting that seeking professional help can help you end this harmful relationship for good and overcome the breakup. Just like surrounding yourself with loved ones.