Who has never experienced the traumatic experience of losing a loved one? This loss can be more or less radical, because it can be a separation with a friend, a child who must leave the house, a divorce or even death.
Even if all these experiences are painful and they affect us, since very often they happen when we do not expect them, they represent real challenges that can allow us, if we meet them, to flourish.
When the world crumbles around us
There are a number of reasons one becomes attached to others, the most important of which is affection. The people we love, by being by our side, provide for many of our needs, and thus make our life easier and more cheerful.
When we lose a loved one, we suddenly find ourselves without points of reference ; the balance of our life collapses, and we then go through a period certainly difficult and painful, but nevertheless necessary called mourning.
We must therefore leave space for mourning, not to repress it, because whether we like it or not, vulnerability is part of human nature.
Bereavement gives rise to a multitude of physical, psychological, mental and social symptoms such as insomnia, lack of energy, colds or other opportunistic diseases participating in the fall of the immune system, irritability, lack of appetite, weight loss or gain, listlessness, problems with memory or concentration, anxiety, substance abuse such as alcohol, tobacco or drugs, sadness, anger, hopelessness , guilt, social isolation, ineffectiveness at work, depression or suicide, among others.
The list is long and the worst part is that it is not exhaustive, and could be much longer. But it is necessary to show the seriousness of the matter to understand that it is necessary to show more patience and compassion towards oneself in these difficult times.
Patience, because if there is one thing to remember, it is that mourning is a normal and necessary process that allows us to reflect on what happened and to accept it in order to be able to move on. the front.
Compassionate, because the loss of a loved one is something special, and it is therefore normal that it affects us deeply and that we need time to accept.
However, just as each person is unique, each grieving is different. But generally speaking, the mourning following the loss of a loved one takes a year or two.
Overcome the illusion
Even though everyone knows that grieving is a normal process, on the other hand, it shouldn’t stop us from moving forward. It is therefore necessary to put one’s own efforts into it and adopt a proactive attitude in order to be able to “come out of the hole”.
There are strategies for “seeing the light at the end of the tunnel”, such as asking for help and support from family and friends, seeing a psychologist, attending support groups. , to apply techniques of relaxation, meditation, breathing and prayer (if the grieving person is a believer), or to play sports.
But, beyond all of this, there is one essential thing to take into account if one is to grieve, and that is to be aware of what one thinks about the loss of a loved one.
A very common belief, which only makes the path to mourning longer, is to have a feeling of emptiness, to think that this person has left with a part of themselves, that they are needed to be well and to survive. So we become attached to that particular person, which makes his absence much more devastating.
But this belief is only an illusion, because in life everything is temporary and fleeting. True happiness is found nowhere else than within ourselves.
Therefore, the loss of a loved one can ultimately help us, because when we face grief, we also revalue this invaluable treasure that we hold within us. In other words, we learn (although at our expense), that we can very well value ourselves and that despite everything, we will succeed in moving forward …
This beautiful and essential truth, if we succeed in understanding it and integrating it in all its depth, will allow us to overcome any type of loss.
This idea, Anthony De Mello expressed it very well: “The things that you seek as well as those that you run away from are within you” .