Good people don’t go out of business during the holidays and don’t have office hours.
No one rewards them for what they do and they don’t even want to. They are people of a special kind, but this is how they understand life, and how their hearts speak.
Still, it’s good not to be too naive. When we feel vulnerable or selfishly used, something starts to break down.
When the good people let themselves be done by another person, then another, while feeling the shadow of selfishness closing in on them, the figure of disappointment then appears.
In reality, it is something more complex than what we think. When someone does things out of free will, it is their wit, spontaneity, and own integrity that guide them.
When other people ignore these principles to achieve a goal in search of a benefit of their own, instead of making the other feel guilty, we blame ourselves. This is the most common situation.
We tell ourselves that we are naive, that we give too much, and that we do not know how to feel things.
All of this ends up developing a negative self-projection that will gradually undermine our self-esteem in a dangerous way. We will reflect on this in this article.
The enclosures of our own castles
When we perceive the invasion of people on our personal spaces, we tend to deploy classic and defensive strategies to protect ourselves.
Sometimes we blame others for this injustice. However, it does not always happen that way …
Good people tend to turn their heads on themselves and take responsibility for this intrusion.
They see themselves too confident, and come to think that if they raise the enclosures of their own castles, they will lose part of who they are, their balance and their principles.
You should know that we all need to have a space of control and a personal limit behind which it is mandatory to raise barriers so that we are not harmed.
So that you are all the more convinced, take these different aspects into account:
Putting limits is not going to distance you from others
Good people have the right to say stop to those who behave selfishly with them.
We know that those around them are more used to them telling them yes, being available and welcoming them with a smile.
- Setting limits will help you get to know yourself and others.
You have to know how far you want to go, and from where you want to go. So, you must also adjust yourself according to others.
- When these boundaries are clear, relationships will be much healthier.
- In addition, it will help you to have a better knowledge of yourself.
Love needs limits too
If anyone thinks otherwise, they are wrong. There are no more obvious contexts than emotional, family, or friendship relationships in which clear boundaries must be drawn.
In reality, there is no more loving or complicit relationship than one where we can say “no” to the other without worrying about how they are going to feel, and without being afraid that they will feel offended. or upset.
To love someone, whether it is a spouse, a friend or a loved one, is to be able to act with freedom, in accordance with our principles, knowing that we will be respected at all times.
Saying ‘no’ will never make you a bad person
Before convincing others, you must convince yourself.
It is necessary to be able to say stop, to say it out loud with conviction and without being ashamed or without feeling bad.
Think that if day after day you give in to everything that is asked of you, what does not end up happening is that you no longer have energy, your self-esteem, and thus, you become someone you are not.
There will come a time when you really want to help someone and you cannot.
You will no longer have strength or courage and you will no longer believe in yourself. It must be clear: the right people have the right to say stop.
It will help you have a better understanding of who you are, and you will show it to others.
The importance of drawing an imaginary line between yourself and others
Putting up speakers around you does not mean putting up a punishment line around you for others, where you would be isolated and protected. It’s quite the opposite…
All of this will give you confidence that you can take action to build positive relationships.
In this way, whoever really loves you will understand you, because good people, even if they don’t need anything in return, still need reciprocity, and above all to be respected. Never forget this!
Images by Karen Jones Lee, Miranda Klark, Art Graphic Swit