Sometimes the expectations in relationships have been treated as something negative that in the long run ends up destroying everything.
However, not having one can make us lose interest because we don’t really envision a long-term relationship with that person or are not sure what to expect from that relationship.
Expectations in relationships can be like this:
- How will my life be with this person?
- Will she still love me?
- What will be the objectives that we will have together?
- Will we have children?
- Will she be faithful to me?
If we reflect on the studies we have done or the work we have, even where we live, we will find that expectations influence the way we do, think or feel. They are nothing other than faith in a possibility that will eventually come true.
For this to work, we must act. If we have any hope of eventually working as a teacher, we have to train for it and take small steps. Otherwise, it will become a pipe dream.
But what happens when we step into the world of relationships? Are the expectations we may have useful? Are they a push or a pull?
The “bad” expectations in relationships
Expectations in relationships are necessary. However, it is important to differentiate between expectations that are real and those that are just the result of a romantic dream.
It can also happen in other areas. For example, back to the dream of being a teacher, in the case of not training and standing still, in the end our expectation will only remain in an unrealizable and, eventually, frustrated desire.
The problem with relationships is that sometimes we fool ourselves. This happens especially in the phase when we fall in love, in the first moments of the relationship. When we only see the beautiful aspects of the other person and think about an idyllic future, without doing a realistic analysis of the other person’s profile and circumstances.
Also, we have in our mind an ideal of what to expect from a relationship. That is why we sometimes expect this ideal to be realized. It doesn’t matter whether the other person qualifies to be by our side or not. There is always the fantasy that we can change her.
These kinds of expectations in relationships are not based on anything real. They are only based on ideas that we have and which can be full of phrases that say “love can do anything”, “if you really love me you will make the effort to change”, “over time , I will change you ”.
The usefulness of expectations in couple relationships
If we chose to drop all expectation, it is very likely that we would not form a relationship. Without expectations, the horizon line is blurry, there is no relationship to build.
Therefore, expectations in relationships are useful as long as they do not play against the partner, while still being part of communication.
You can expect to have a child (whether it eventually happens or not). Ideally, our partner should want one as well, because otherwise a change of mind is a possibility, but not a fact. That moment might not come, perhaps giving way to resentment and disappointment.
On the other hand, expectations in relationships motivate us to build a life together. So the ideal is that the person we are with has similar expectations (what does he expect from you, your life together and your relationship?)
Otherwise, the relationship is unlikely to be successful. At this point, it is also important to distinguish between the expectations that are deeply embedded in our state of mind.
Managing expectations well will be a good foundation for our emotional state and for the relationship itself. For example, what do we expect from the relationship, how we want to live, where… Also, it is not good to try to impose them on the other person if they do not share them with us.
In addition, we can do a work of self-knowledge to differentiate the expectations we want to see satisfied in our relationship – which are practically conditions of continuity – and those which are dispensable. Only then can we build healthy relationships.