We can develop behaviors that pull others away, just as we can set up some that would bring them closer. In the first case, we can negatively influence our relationships with our friends or our family.
So, in order to take care of those we love and not harm our circle of support, it would be good to identify and change those behaviors that keep others away.
These behaviors are sometimes motivated by envy. A negative emotion that generally damages our relationships and impoverishes our communication. To deepen this point and discover others, we will analyze some behaviors that alienate others.
1. Be envious of the success of others
The first behavior that drives others away is based on the emotion we reported just before, with a sense of lack of personal success. In this case, if we detect this dynamic, the ideal is to try to deactivate the “comparison mode”.
It is true that comparisons provide us with valuable social information. They can tell us whether we are the best or the worst in a class and allow us to turn that information in our favor. However, when we become particularly sensitive to the urge, it will not (or hardly) help us.
2. Take criticism personally
Behaviors that alienate others become more evident when we lock ourselves into a defensive posture, attacking others in order to defend ourselves. Faced with such a situation, let’s breathe for a moment and try to divert the channel directed by the words of others to the permanent self, a destination that causes us to rate them as attacks.
This does not mean that we have to adopt a passive attitude so as not to be dismayed in the face of what others think of us. The solution is to adjust our judgment to take advantage of the information that comes to us.
3. Remain in the role of the victim
Acting like a victim is also a behavior that alienates us from others. This crossroads takes place when we feel like all the problems in our life are still centered on us. In addition, this problem will make us feel “canceled” and will have a negative influence on our personal development.
4. Don’t let the pain go
When we feel bad or in pain, it is normal for negative emotions to gradually dissolve until a solution to the problem appears. However, if we accumulate pain and resentment every time we go through a complicated time, we will eventually turn into bitter and toxic people.
5. Not controlling emotions
A person always has a challenge: to better manage their emotions. Recognizing that outbursts of anger, rage or tears drive others away is already an important step.
Indeed, we will project an image of immaturity in others. They will probably think that we have little self-control. Faced with this, we suggest you maintain an intelligent relationship with your emotions: listen to what they have to say to you and make the most of their energy. It will be very beneficial to you.
6. Lack of empathy
Empathy is a very positive quality, valued both in personal life and in professional environments. Knowing how to put ourselves in other people’s shoes will allow us to better understand their problems. And it will add points to our emotional IQ.
Showing sensitivity with another person – with their thoughts and emotions -, far from being a behavior that alienates others, serves to create a bond that works as a glue in all the deep relationships that we generate and maintain.
7. Do not respect limits
We want others to respect the limits we set, and that’s okay. However, we must do the same with others and respect the barriers they have set. When assessing physical limitations, let’s think about the culture of the person we’re talking to. His surroundings and those close to him can help us identify the distance at which the other feels comfortable.
For example, Japanese or Chinese cultures, just like those of northern Europe, are used to maintaining a greater distance. Mediterranean or Middle Eastern cultures do not hesitate to establish physical contact or to get closer to others to talk. By taking all of these factors into account, we can avoid falling into behaviors that alienate others. The result will be a healthier life, especially in the personal sphere.