We human beings are programmed to watch for ourselves. However, there is a big difference between looking at yourself and being selfish, or not placing any value on how others may feel about your actions. Ultimately, it is true that each of us is responsible for our own feelings, but it is no less certain that there are also many ways to abuse or sabotage them.
Thinking of yourself is not opposed to generosity, selfless behavior or solidarity. In fact, in the society we live in today, it is possible to reap many benefits by being altruistic and generous. Benefits which, in addition, are intrinsic, so that they will keep our motivation at a good level.
Living by thinking that you have to be selfish because people in society are selfish creates enormous insecurity; as if the only possible way out was to get over others. However, opting for a life that is more generous, more interested in others and less individualistic is the best way to attract opportunities.
We human beings are selfish by nature, since selfishness arose out of a need for survival. But compassion was born for the same reasons. Ultimately, as a species, we humans probably would not have survived without our ability to form societies.
In this sense, it is necessary to redefine egoism, or at least to make an interpretation of what is socially acceptable or not to find the balance between our particular interests and those of the society in which we live.
In reality, thinking for the good of all or the good of one’s neighbor is also an act in a certain selfish way, since at least in theory, what is good for the group or for the other also benefits the individual. On the other hand, the mere fact of doing something good for others also has benefits for the one who is at the origin of the altruistic act.
A selfish person is not able to see the advantages of giving up to others or to share their time, knowledge or resources with them. Selfish people think that only things that are beneficial to themselves are really beneficial, or that a small personal benefit is always better than a large shared benefit.
Being able to stay in control is certainly a positive thing, but what happens when the other is in control? What happens when you depend on others? Are you able to assume positively that the responsibility depends on the other, to have to respect his decision and to submit to it?
For a selfish person, the inputs and needs of others are less important or valuable than his own inputs and needs, even if the latter depend on decisions that directly and primarily affect others.
Selfish people need to be in control, whether it’s what affects them directly or what affects them indirectly. This anxiety for control makes them overly critical of others and leads them to think and rethink anything that might involve sharing responsibility with others or losing control.
Collaboration requires the ability to listen, make commitments, and accept the opinions and proposals of others. This is inextricably linked to the obsession with loss of control that we were talking about in the previous point. In this sense, the inability to work in a team could indicate a problem of selfishness.
In the current situation, collaborative intelligence, or collective intelligence, is essential for a movement to be initiated in a social environment. That’s why collaboration is so important at all levels, from learning to entrepreneurial expansion.
No matter the diversity of thought patterns, we are all witnesses to what we can achieve if we work together, if each brings what he can and puts it at the service of others so that the latter can continue to explore and expand their knowledge. A selfish person is not able to see this, since he thinks that what others gain is something he loses, when in reality everyone wins.
Avoiding harm is a standardized excuse to justify something that didn’t go well. However, solving the problem is more important than purging responsibilities. Behind a person who is not able to take his share of responsibility probably hides a selfish person who thinks only of avoiding retaliation or bad looks.
However, taking responsibility is actually very liberating, as is accepting a mistake made by others without judging or humiliating them for it. Accepting responsibility without taking on the weight of the fault is a great act of generosity towards oneself, a generosity which extends to others when necessary.
The main concern of a person who is not satisfied with what they have will always be wanting more, because the needs of others take a back seat. A person who is not grateful for all they have will feel miserable and poor, and will not be able to see the value of certain things which, while insignificant, are in fact what they really need.
Behind a superficial and materialistic person usually hides a selfish person, who is only interested in his own material needs and who, therefore, despises and / or ignores the needs of others, even spiritual ones.