“Since my mom wouldn’t let me eat chocolate, I buy my child one bar a day”. “My dad would challenge me if I didn’t study, I’m going to let my child do whatever he wants at school”. Do these phrases sound familiar to you?
There is a plethora of textbooks outlining what perfect or ideal parents should be. However, practice makes the master, and in real life it is not so easy to carry out these tips which seem right for you.
In fact, you must have suffered injustice when you were little. It is also likely that you have also sworn not to do the same with your children. Maybe you get there, but that doesn’t mean it’s good for them.
Did you know that more than half of the help books available in bookstores are about becoming good parents?
Apparently, the fear of making mistakes or repeating past mistakes is very strong and determines what adults read today.
But beware, making a mistake is not the same as failing. No one is born wise. One of the most common mistakes parents make is to prevent children from suffering the same thing as them during childhood.
It happens because sometimes we believe that something was bad for us when in fact “it was done for our good”.
For example, if our mother did not let us eat chocolate every day, it was not because she was bad, but because she knew that the habit caused cavities, obesity or other problems.
If our father asked us if everything was going well at school, it was because he wanted us to follow our studies well, and not to go to classes as we liked ”.
According to researchers, we have inherited traumas and stereotypes from our parents, and it is very likely that we end up doing the same with our children.
In addition to the typical expressions they used to say to you when you were little, and which you surely repeat to your children, it may happen that because of a problem from your childhood, your little ones also suffer from the consequences that ensue.
The typical “deja-vu” of childhood
We are talking here about the things your parents told you, which you surely obeyed and which you are repeating to your children:
1- “Just ask”
You feel guilty about leaving them all day when you go to work, so you buy them whatever they ask for, give in to their every whim no matter what it is.
Not being with them when they grow up makes you feel like you need to cleanse yourself, with gifts.
2- “The professor is crazy”
Before, when you came home with a bad grade, your parents punished you. Today, if this happens, the parents run to the teacher’s house to talk to him and ask him for explanations regarding his behavior towards their child.
Don’t try to excuse the situation by thinking the teacher has gone crazy or that it isn’t your child’s fault.
3- “Let the television entertain them”
This is a modern evil that you might not have suffered from when you were little because a few years ago there weren’t so many shows, video games, social networks, web pages etc.
Maybe you got angry more than once because your parents would send you to your room without watching TV.
Now you think your kids can sit in front of the screen for hours and hours, something that also takes the load off their care.
4- “They know that I love them”
We never express our tenderness too much to the people around us. When they are babies, it is easier to tell them that they are the most important in the world, that we love them etc. But with the passage of the years, this habit gradually disappears.
When children come into their teens, for example, they are the ones who ask parents not to be so expressive because it shames them. Instead of listening to them, continue to show them your love.
5- “He only understands when I punish him”
It can be said that punishing his children is the quickest way so that the child does not do something bad again. But for how long do they learn the lesson?
If they know that the next day you will have forgotten what happened, your words will be of no value. Even though your parents were very tough on you, remember that there was no worse lesson than a reprimand in your day.