Many parents find it difficult to watch their children grow up and gradually let them take control of their lives.
The goal of a good education is to teach children the right values and good habits so that they can grow up and prepare for independence.
However, we must not forget that these processes must be slow.
However, some parents, faced with fear of the dangers they perceive in the world, abuse paternal control to protect their children and quickly remove them from any potentially dangerous source, be it real or imagined.
On the other hand, these types of fears and how to deal with them often have to do with the education that parents themselves have received.
There is no doubt that controlling children is very tempting. Finally, thus, it is easier to survive on a daily basis; as we say “prevention is better than cure”.
But no one said education is easy. In fact, it is even more and more difficult.
We parents have to compete with an endless array of external agents that are beyond our control. However, developing an obsession with control is not the solution, as we will see later.
While some control is necessary, obsessing over it isn’t just bad for kids.
It is also destructive for the parents, who load on their shoulders a great weight, a great responsibility and, what can be worse, a great guilt.
To educate is to guide, not to chart a single path. To educate is to accompany and give a hand, not to throw away the other while keeping him attached.
Obsession with paternal control may lead your child to rebel
The revolt is something almost natural and is part of the process of autonomy itself.
Now, there are thousands of ways to rebel; it is not the same to rebel against the world or against your parents, just as it is not the same to rebel against the system imposed by the state or against the norms imposed on the home.
Children need a certain level of freedom. If you try to take control of all aspects of their life, they will claim their autonomy with even more force and probably less judgment.
If a parent takes responsibility for controlling what games the child should play, what clothes he / she should wear, what books he / she should read, etc., all he / she will be able to do is push her child to rebel sooner or later.
Obviously, as a parent, you have to watch certain things and guide your child, being careful that he / she makes a coherent and adequate decision.
But from there to always imposing your criteria on it, there is still a step. Let your child make their own decisions, and if you don’t agree, ask them to justify their decision.
If you consider his / her decision clumsy, guide him / her, help him / her to choose better, to consider the consequences of his / her decisions and let him / her suffer the consequences, always without this really endangering his / her health and safety.
His creativity will be discouraged
If you are constantly in control of what your child is doing and become his / her shadow, most likely he / she will be less creative / creative.
The fact of not being seen as capable of making decisions by people as important to him / her as his / her parents will lead the child, when he / she has no other choice but to make decisions, to feeling insecure and letting time decide for him / her if no one is encouraging him / her to act on the decision he / she has made.
If that doesn’t seem important to you, maybe it’s because you are one of those people who thinks creativity is a useless thing, or that it is only for making beautiful drawings, writing beautiful texts. or decorate the house with more or less grace. But being creative is more than that.
Creativity is the ability to find different solutions to the problems that arise, the ability to re-envision those problems, the ability to see things in a different way.
By being creative, you can not only do great things, but you can also be tall, very tall, overcome your problems and other adversities, and become what you always wanted to be.
Are you going to deny that to your child?
Don’t tell him how to do it right. Give your child the opportunity to find a solution, to see the different ways of solving a problem, to consider it, to amplify it.
The important thing is that he / she does it, that he / she finds the solution alone / alone. Understand, of course, that sometimes your children may be right, or even have a more advantageous point of view than yours.
Over-control will make your child nervous
Over-control works for your child’s mind like a limited-dimensional cage where he / she can barely move.
Imagine yourself locked up without knowing why in a 5 square meter room from which you cannot get out.
How much longer are you going to wait before you start trying to get yourself out of this?
This is what anxiety your child feels when you control them every minute of the day, when you organize them every moment, and when you don’t give them space to themselves.
Don’t think that just because you fuel the perception of having everything under control, you are in control.
When this door opens because your child will be too big to stand behind it, you will see that you have not controlled anything at all, that the one who crossed the threshold is a nervous and anxious person doing the opposite of what he was told to do, but without having the capacity to decide coherently.